Supernatural fanfic: The Reason

Written immediately following Death’s Door.

Characters:  Dean, Sam

Rated: PG

Word Count: 754

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I’ve found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I found a reason to show

A side of me you didn’t know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

Dean ran. His lungs ached and his legs had been reduced to quivering jello but still he ran, knowing in the back of his mind he could never run long enough or far enough to escape the never ending hell of what passed for his life.

Sam was behind him, calling his name. He knew his brother would catch up sooner or later. Sam and his morning jogs and health food kicks. Even without the healthy habits he could easily outrun Dean with those damn long legs.

I’m sorry. He’s gone.

Dean pumped his legs harder, trying to leave those words behind. Bobby couldn’t be gone. Not now. Not like this. Not when…

Not when I need him.

A ragged sob escaped Dean’s lips and he cried out in frustration, screaming to the sky as he ran. Behind him Sam was drawing closer, begging Dean to stop. He could hear the tears in his brother’s voice.

Memories played in Dean’s head, flashing by as quickly as the life that was now gone. Bobby taking him to toss a ball, Bobby teaching them to track and hunt as Dean refused to shoot a deer under the persuasion of Sam’s puppy dog eyes, Bobby being there when Sam had died, Bobby talking sense into him when there was no sense to be made, Bobby being the father that John Winchester had never had time to be.

Bobby had been his rock and without him, how would he ever be able to stand?

Dean felt a hand on his arm and realized Sam had finally caught up. He jerked away from the grasp and stumbled, managing to catch himself before sprawling headlong into the grass. He stood gasping, tears streaming down his face, refusing to look into the eyes of his younger brother.

“Dean…..”

“Sammy…..I…I can’t…”

Dean turned away from Sam, peering at his surroundings, wondering exactly where he had taken them on his grief induced run. Nothing was familiar and he turned back to the only thing that was. Sam.

His brother was standing there, chest heaving from the run, tears standing in his eyes, clutching his scarred hand as if his life depended on it. And Dean reckoned it probably did. He wasn’t the only one hurt by this.

Every fiber of Dean’s body was tuned in to the pain his brother was feeling. He could see the terror in Sam’s eyes and knew that not all of it was from facing Lucifer, even at this darkest hour. Some of it was from watching his older brother finally crack under the strain of the world.

Dean wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him, the same way he had all of his life but he couldn’t. Where was his comfort? He’d given and given, not just to Sam but to everyone and no matter how much he’d given, sooner or later, everyone he loved was taken away. Even now he couldn’t be sure how much longer Sam would be able to cope and without Bobby…

What the hell am I supposed to do? Why should I even care anymore?

You’re talking like a hunter that’s already dead, Dean.

I wish I was. I can’t do this anymore, Bobby.

Find your reason, Dean.

Dean sunk to his knees in the dewy grass, covering his face with his hands.

There is no reason, nothing to take this pain away. I can’t.

Familiar hands clutched his arms and Dean gazed up into his brother’s tormented face.

There’s your reason, Dean.

I don’t know if it’s enough anymore, Bobby.

Dean began to sob, pulling away from his brother but Sam held him firm.

“No, Dean. You’re not running. Not this time.”

Dean sagged in his brother’s arms. No words would come, only uncontrollable sobs.

“Dean, I’m here for you.” Sam’s voice was thick with tears. “Can you please just let me?”

Dean wasn’t even sure what that meant but he nodded and Sam enfolded him in his embrace. Dean wept against his brother’s chest while Sam whispered words of comfort, words that Dean had whispered in Sam’s ear many times. “I’m here. It’s gonna be okay. I’m here.”

Dean clutched his brother desperately. His reason.

And it was enough.

********************************************

Song lyrics by Hoobastank, The Reason.

Thanks for reading!

 
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Nashcon 2012: Sunday recap

Sunday morning started way too early but we managed to get down to breakfast on time but guess what?  J2 was late as always. 🙂  I don’t know how they managed to drag themselves in at all.  Jared said later in the autograph line that he’d had about three hours of sleep and he didn’t think Jensen had any.  Poor tired boys but they were as lovely as always, inside and out.

Jensen had on a leather jacket *dies* and it wasn’t long before Jared had his beanie hat on.  They thanked us for the PCA awards and then they were presented with a congratulations card from the Nashcon SPN family.

Someone asked what it was like to have Misha back on set and Jensen said it was refreshing.  Jared said they had missed him as much as we had.  Jensen went on to say he wanted some kind of reunion show where they brought everyone back and proceeded to name off all of our favorite characters who are no longer with us.  Jensen said he asked the other day when the Impala was going to be back and they said soon.  He told them they’d better not be messing with him.  He did say they had spent a big chunk of money on the car to really bring her up to speed.  I think Jensen might love that car as much as Dean. 🙂

After the breakfast it was time to wait in line for photos.  Because of the date change I was only able to afford one photo op with the boys and it was the duo.  I really wanted to get a hug from Jensen.  I’d never had the courage to ask him for one.  I’m not easily intimidated by many people but Jensen is one person that I am a bit intimidated by.  I don’t know why.  He’s perfectly lovely but I guess it’s the fact that he’s a bit more reserved or maybe it’s just the fact that I love him so much….more on that later. So, when it came time for my op with the boys I told them that this might be my last con and Jensen said, Don’t say that.  I told them I didn’t want it to be but right now I just couldn’t see a way to go to anymore at least not anytime soon.  I told him I’d never asked him for a hug and I was wondering if I could have one for my photo op.  He says, “No problem!” and pulls me against him. *dies*  So, Jared is just kinda standing there.  I said, You can hug us too.  And he said, No, I’m gonna act jealous.  I had no idea what he was doing but I didn’t care.  I love both those boys so much but after this photo op I can’t lie to myself anymore.  I love Jensen more.  Or maybe it’s Dean because I do love him and identify with him.  I don’t know.  All I know is I didn’t care what Jared was doing because I was in the arms of Jensen Ackles!  And it wasn’t over quickly like most photo ops are because I had time to appreciate how soft and warm his sweater was.  After the picture was taken Jensen said, I hope I see you again and I said, I hope so too and I thanked them both. 

I met up with my friends outside the photo room and at first I was like: OMG! and then when I started tweeting about it I got all teary and someone from SSA came over to introduce themselves and I said:  I’m sorry.  I’m just a little emotional right now.  Go ahead….laugh.  If you don’t watch Supernatural you certainly won’t get it and even if you do you might think I’m silly but you have no idea what this show means to me….well, you might if you know me even a little bit but you won’t be the ones laughing at me. 🙂

We started back downstairs for the panels and we were talking about who knows what and I said, I can die a happy woman because I have been held by Jensen Ackles!  Immediately after I said that, I stumbled and almost fell down the stairs!  Be careful what you say!  But seriously, I would have died with a big, fat, stupid grin on my face!

Rob Benedict had a solo panel and luckily the microphone was better this time….for awhile.  He was really excited that Louden Swain’s song, Worlds Collide, was on  Friday’s episode of Supernatural.  I bought the new CD at the con and it’s really good.  Rob said he’d like to jam with Rick Springfield after singing a few lines of Jesse’s Girl.  Rob also said he thinks it was Kripke’s intention for Chuck to be God as a symbol of the show’s creator stepping away, job done, his Swan Song.  Jensen ended up crashing Rob’s panel and gave him a big hug.  Rob said: Isn’t he dreamy?  He said he kept hearing someone yelling for Free Bird at his concert in LA and it was Jensen.  Rob’s microphone stops working and they can’t find one that works and Rob says he’s having a real life Chuck moment.  It was so cute.

After Rob’s panel was Jared and Jensen.  I think my favorite story they told was when Jared geeked out over meeting Mike McCready from Pearl Jam and when Jensen saw Sofia Vergara while he was out with Danneel and she was shoe shopping.   Danneel gave him the okay to follow her.  LOL  I think it’s cute that they can still get star struck.  Jared said Death’s Door was the first script he ever read and cried.  Jensen said he doesn’t cry, he’s dead inside.  Later when he mentioned Dean crying, Jared said, Wait, what?  And Jensen said, It was Dean!  Both boys said Death’s Door was their fave episode of SPN because it was so well done.

They talked about sex scenes and how all these random people seem to show up on set the day people are taking their clothes off but both boys make everyone leave unless they have a job to do.  They both said they want the actress to be as comfortable as possible.  Jensen said for the scene that was in Friday’s episode, when Sara dropped her skirt and walked across the room, he had a robe waiting for her and she walked right into it and covered up.  Awwww.

Before they left they thanked everyone again for the PCA’s, for keeping them employed and for coming to the cons.  ❤

In the autograph line I thanked Jensen for the hug during the photo op and he smiled and said, No problem.  I told him to give Danneel our love from Tennessee and he said he would.  I love how both boy’s faces light up when you mention their wives.  Just one of the many things that make them both so adorable.  I made up for giving Jared the cold shoulder during photo ops by talking to him more in the autograph line.  I asked him how Gen was doing and he said she was fine.  I told him we had a contest on FB to guess the birthdate and weight of the baby and I told him I was hoping for March 15 since that’s my birthday.  He smiled and said that was in the ballpark.  YAY!  I gave him an anniversary card for him and Gen and he seemed geniunely thankful.  I had both boys autograph the hunter’s first aid kit that my daughter made me for Christmas.  Both boys thought it was cool but Jared had to open it, of course!

After we ate a quick meal at Fuse, there was one more panel for the day and how appropriate that Richard would host the last panel at the last con in his hometown.  He ended up being joined by Rob and Brian and thus Brian Swain was born. LOL  The last panel was a lot of silliness with discussion of porno names and Richard called Rob Matt and Rob acted as though he was going to take his shirt off.  The audience joined them in singing a bit of BSB, I Want it That Way.

I Want it that Way:  http://youtu.be/hLYq1OT5Hq0

We got pics in the Impala afterwards.  I was so terrified of scratching the car but sitting in it was almost as good as getting a hug from Jensen.  Seriously, I love that car. 

I love this one of Meredith because if you squint, you can pretend that’s Dean sitting next to her!

Afterwards we went upstairs to finish picking up our photo ops and to buy JPEG’s.  I talked to Chris a bit and told him I didn’t know when or if I’d get to go to another con and I talked about how I had took a train to VanCon because I’m afraid to fly and how I’ve done so many things since becoming part of this fandom that I never thought I’d ever do.  He gave me a hug when I left.

Now this part may seem totally silly to some or possibly all of you but this is one of my best memories of the con.  We were all sitting around outside the rooms where all the meet and greets, etc. go on and we were being silly and oohing and ahhing over pictures and taking even sillier pictures.  

 This is one of my faves where we were all cheesin’ for the camera.

And as we were starting to leave someone (who shall remain my nameless hero) called to us and said they wanted to show us something.  And they let us into the room where the boys had hung out while they were waiting between meet & greets, etc.  Nameless hero said:  Go nuts!  And we did.  Talk about being silly.  Yes, we were and we may or may not now have a few items that J2 possibly had their lips on. 🙂  When I think of Nashcon and the memories I made there, these are some of the best…….

If this was my last con……yeah…..what a way to go.

Links to my pics from Sunday on FB: http://on.fb.me/xzTe5q

Friday recap: https://winchesterwoman.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/nashcon-2012-friday-recap/

Saturday recap: https://winchesterwoman.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/nashcon-2012-saturday-recap/

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Nashcon 2012: Saturday recap

Saturday morning didn’t start too early for us since we didn’t have any of the meet and greets.  The first panel was Rob, Kim and Gabe at 11:10 so we were able to sleep in a bit…….which was good since karaoke night was over around…..well, I don’t remember when it was over….and I was sober!  Let’s just say it was sometime in the wee hours of the morning.

I was very excited for the panel with Rob, Kim and Gabe since I had never met any of them.  Someone asked Gabe about his first screen kiss and he said he’d never had one.  Kim immediately molested him on stage and then proceeded to do the same to Rob, afterwards declaring, I love these conventions!  The only bad thing about the panel was the mircophone Rob was using was messed up and we couldn’t understand a lot of what he was saying.  Gabe said if these three characters were ever in a scene together they would go on a road trip in Andy’s van.  Gabe remembered the details of the van quite clearly and I was impressed since it’s been quite awhile since they filmed that episode. 

Kim was asked about the sexual tension between her and Jared and she said the script was quite clear that there should be no sexual tension between them because they weren’t going that route so Kim said any sexual tension that we saw was coming from her because Jared was so hot.  When she started talking about Bobby and her scenes with Jim Beaver she teared up (as did the rest of us).   She also showed us her awesome tattoo and when Gabe asked how far it goes, she said, To the cracks!

The next panel was Richard and Matt.  These two should really take their act on the road…..oh, wait, I guess they already have with the Dick and Matt karaoke experience.  It’s amazing that they’ve never actually worked together onscreen but they’ve formed this awesome friendship just by attending the cons.  Sound familiar to anyone? 🙂

Both said they would welcome the opportunity to work together.  Somehow Matt was once again persuaded to sell the shirt off his back to the older lady sitting right behind me!  Yep, I had a great view!

Richard said he respected us too much to take his shirt off because nobody deserved to see that but he did demonstrate his favorite dance moves for us and I got this great shot!

Misha ended up crashing their panel and when Richard asked if he had any special con events planned he said he was taking a tour of the city’s sewer system.  Matt ended up removing another shirt and said to Misha:  I know you’re proud of the puppet I have become!   Richard said their Q&A had turned into T&A.  After the strip show….er….panel was over it was time for a couple of photo ops.

Rob was absolutely lovely.  Said it was his first trip to Tennessee.

While doing their single photo ops Richard tweeted and told everyone getting an op with Matt to grab his butt.  So when I went in for the double op I asked Richard if we could still grab Matt’s butt and he’s like, Sure!  Matt was like, What??  I said, No, I wouldn’t do that.  And Richard said, Well, okay, with this expression that said, your loss!  Matt was still saying, What??  LOL  I asked if I could have a double hug and Richard said, Sure.  He grabbed me and smushed me up against Matt and said, We practice these at home all the time.  I had no idea what their faces looked like until I got the pic but I love it!

Then it was time for Sebastian’s panel and really, unless you’ve seen the man in action, words just can’t do him justice.  He is INSANE and almost everything out of his mouth has some kind of sexual innuendo to it…..which makes it really hard to even attempt some kind of recap of his panel.  I’m sure most of you have seen all the youtube videos by now which is why I never recap whole panels.  My con recap is more for my personal memories.  I did find Sebastian’s imitation of Southern accents pretty hilarious…..and accurate.  🙂

After Sebastian’s panel it was time for Misha.  We were watching a video in between panels and the curtains come down.   Leave it to Misha to make a grand entrance.  When the curtains were raised he just stood there basking in the applause, wearing a very self-satisifed smirk.  He knows he has this fandom wrapped around his finger and we know that we’ve let him wrap us around his finger but he’s just SO awesome!

Misha decided to give an AMOK shirt to the person who asked the best question.  Sebastian modeled the shirt and then proceeded to molest the shirt as he removed it.  The first thing Misha wanted to do was show us a video of West so he took his phone to the camera and played the video so we could all see it.  West is such a cutie and Misha is such a proud daddy…..as if we didn’t love the guy enough already.

Misha had the script for 7.17….yeah, spoiler alert…..come on, don’t act like you didn’t know he was coming back!  He did say that Cas wouldn’t have his trenchcoat on for every scene.  He ended up giving the binder and one page from the front of script to a girl who had asked a question.  Lucky girl!

There was one point where Misha said he was obviously going to be president one day and you know, I could totally see that happening.  Or at least I could see him running.  Talk about the craziest campaign ever!  Unfortunately for SPN fans, we wouldn’t get to vote more than once for that but I do wonder…….

After Misha’s panel it was time for more photo ops.  Meredith got her trio op before me and told them she wanted a foursome.  It was pretty hilarious so I told them I hate to copy but I wanted the same thing and I said I wanted to hug Kim anyway and she was like, Aw, and opened her arms for a big old hug.  She’s so awesome! 

A little bit after that it was time for mine and Meredith’s shared op with Sebastian and Misha.  I told them we wanted a squishy hug and Sebastian said, Squishy hug?  and laughed.  It was funny the way he said it in his accent.  Again, I had no idea what their faces looked like but the photo is awesome!

After this it was time for autographs from all of today’s guests.   Earlier in the week I had made buttons for Meredith and me that said, Gabe’s Bodyguard and one for Sherrie that said, The Reason Gabe Needs a Bodyguard.  We had been tweeting Gabe and his wife, Kat, about it.  Both are really great sports.  While going through line I showed my button to Gabe and he’s like, Oh, yeah, let me get a pic.  I’ve got to show my wife.  I really thought he was only taking a pic of the button but then he said something about getting me in it too and I thought, Oh, crap.  He ended up tweeting the pics later.  He got one of Meredith as she came through line too.

You see why we’re such good bodyguards, right?  We’re both crossroad demons.  LOL

I talked to Kim about the cool necklace she was wearing.  She has now let us know via Twitter that it was from Savannah Hoffman designs on Facebook.  We also talked about Jim Beaver and how she cried when she found out Bobby was going to die.  We talked about how good they were together.  Richard and Matt signed the photo op I took with them earlier in the day and laughed.  Richard said, Well, you wanted a big hug…….Yes, yes, I did!  I had Misha sign the Gishwhes road sign that I had made.  He told me it looked pretty good.  He said that we might know by Monday (and obviously we didn’t) if we had broken the world’s record but he said they were very thorough so he didn’t really think we’d find out yet.  He said he had to send Guiness a 120 page packet about the scavenger hunt.  I told him it was fun and thanked him for doing it. I had Sebastian sign my photo op from VanCon and he’s like, Oh, there’s my fave watch that I’ve broke since then.  He had on another and I said, You got another one and he said, This one was my fave!  I said, Oh, I’m sorry I reminded you of your loss and he laughed and said, Oh, it’s okay and then thanked me.  I love how they all thank the fans.  It’s so awesome.

Afterwards we headed back to the room so Thena could get ready for the costume contest.  We noticed Sebastian heading the same way so we were trying to take pics of him.  He noticed us and said, “They’re stalking me” and then he turned around and waved at us.  Thena got her cool Raphael costume on and went on to line up for the contest and Meredith and I let the time get away from us and totally missed it….the one thing that got started on time all weekend, of course!

I went to see Brian Buckley before going to the cocktail party.  He is such an amazing artist.  I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone play guitar the way he does.  He’s also very funny and so sweet when he talks about his wife.  I can see why him and Jared are such good friends.

The cocktail party was the best one I have attended.  There were loads of people who made centerpieces and the celebrities took turns trying to sell us on the best centerpiece.  Our table had a centerpiece made by my friend, Sherrie, and how appropriate that Gabe was the one assigned to our table, since he’s her fave.  I thought her centerpiece was pretty epic.

After the winner of the centerpiece was announced we had the whole speed dating thing and by then I was pretty tired.  Meredith and I got to where we were counting how many were left to come to our table because we just wanted to go to bed.  Matt accused us of giving him the cold stare.  When he went around our table for hugs, I told him we were just really tired and he said he just likes to give us a hard time.  We had on our bodyguard buttons and Misha wanted to know why Gabe needed bodyguards and we pointed to Sherrie. Trust me, it’s self explanatory.  😛  Rob thought it was great how everyone had their faves but he wanted to be someone’s fave so I think Thena and someone else at the table have now laid claim to Rob.  After everyone had hit our table we left.  On the way back to the room we stopped by to see if any of our photo ops were out but they weren’t.  When we were coming back down the stairs we ran into Sebastian again.  I said, I swear we’re not stalking you.  He laughed and asked where we were going.  I said, 5329 and he said, What’s that?  I said, Our room.  He laughed and said, Oh, you are naughty girls!  Honestly, I would never give my room number to a guy if I thought he’d take me up on it.  I was just messing with Sebastian.  If he had shown up at my door, he’d probably have found me and my Dr. Pepper very boring.  LOL

Once back to the room we didn’t stay up long because everything was deliriously funny, no matter what it was.  There was some comment about the shadow of my hand looking like a donkey…..what???  Yeah, we needed some sleep!

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, Matt said if his table won for the centerpiece contest he would take his shirt off and guess what?  It won.  🙂 

Brian Buckley singing Home:  http://youtu.be/ni6j9L34cLI

Brian Buckley singing Shipwrecked: http://youtu.be/Hh3HpThj0wQ

Cocktail party (not my video) Thanks to whoever taped this: http://youtu.be/_y5Sj1Jvej4

Link to my pics from Friday & Saturday on FB:  http://on.fb.me/yHsoFo

Link for Friday recap: https://winchesterwoman.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/nashcon-2012-friday-recap/

Link for Sunday recap: https://winchesterwoman.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/nashcon-2012-sunday-recap/

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Nashcon 2012: Friday recap

Nashcon 2012 was scheduled for June and sometime right before Christmas it got rescheduled for the first weekend in February, resulting in a lot of people not being able to go.  The date change disappointed me since I didn’t have those extra months to save up money and knew I wouldn’t be able to do some of the things that I wanted.  I really wasn’t as excited about it as I had been past cons, which is kinda funny considering this was the best con EVER!  In the couple of weeks leading up to the con I began to get a bit more excited even as I wondered if this might be the last con I will be able to attend.  If this was my last con……what a way to go!

Friday morning Thena (goddessathena79) picked me up and we made the trek to Opryland.  Once we got there we found we had an incredible view from our hotel room.

We also had some other pretty incredible views as there was some kind of cattle industry convention going on and there were cowboys everywhere!  I came to the conclusion (after hours of research) that all cowboys have cute butts, regardless of what they look like.  I thought it had something to do with sitting on horses a lot but everyone has assured me it’s the pants.  Whatever it is, I say:  Well done!

We hung out in the room waiting for Meredith (SPN_Hunter_67) to get off from work. Once she got there we went to Stax to get something to eat, knowing that it might be our last good meal for awhile.  We were getting ready to go on the con diet…..no time to eat and in Nashcon’s case, Stairmaster multiple times per day.

While we were eating, Sherrie (Sherrie_1870) and Teresa (teresa4828) arrived.  We went down to the Cascades Lobby to meet up with them.   We saw Rob Benedict arrive and greet Richard Speight, Jr. with a hug…..awwwww.  After much squeeing and swag swapping, we decided to check on registration.

Last year’s lines were long but it didn’t really matter since it was in the summer and no new episode was on.  But this year there was a new episode and no way was I missing it.  So, we sat for quite awhile, waiting for registration to open, meeting new people, signing the PCA congratulations card for the boys and talking random silly stuff.   While going through registration I told Gary (from Creation) I hated it they weren’t coming back to Opryland.  He said they hated it to but they didn’t make those kind of decisions.  Hmmm….I didn’t press him for information but I thought it was a strange comment since Gary and Adam are the ones who started Creation.

After registration we had just enough time to get back to our room and watch the new episode!  Yay!  It’s always fun to watch with other fans.  I liked the episode but had to rewatch when I got home because I was a little distracted by Nashcon tweets and such. 🙂

After the show it was time to get ready for karaoke!  A friend had already tweeted me and told me an Impala was in the ballroom.  I knew that someone was bringing an Impala because they had posted the video on SSA but I didn’t know it was going to be IN the hotel.  When we went downstairs for karaoke, there it was!  I was dying!  I love that car so much and this replica was AWESOME!  The people who own it actually live about 30 minutes from me but I didn’t even know them until this weekend!  How crazy is that??

Karaoke only seems to get crazier each time and this one was no exception.  It started off fairly normal…well, at least what passes for normal at a Supernatural convention….but then Matt Cohen started selling the shirts off his back and Richard is such an enabler.  If I understood correctly, Richard and Matt’s part of the proceeds for these shirts are going to charity, which is why Matt said he had no problem taking his shirt off multiple times…..uh, huh.  Sure.  😛  He did keep saying to us that he’s really not that kind of guy so I’m wondering if it was bothering him just a bit.  He was still a good sport about it.

Gabe cracked me up at karaoke because about 75% of the time he seemed to be in his own little world singing along to whatever song was being played.  I got some great pics of his facial expressions.

Kim looked really cute in her outfit.  She wore go-go boots because it was supposed to be a 60’s theme and Richard & Matt changed to football at the last minute.   There were still a few people (like us) who stayed with the 60’s theme.

Sebastian, mocking me for taking his picture. 

Everyone thinks Richard is singing YMCA here but he was actually shading his eyes from the light and talking to some of his high school buddies who were out in the audience.

And just so everyone knows, Matt also looks nice when he’s wearing a shirt.  He has a great smile!

Toward the end of the night, Meredith and I actually got tired of standing so we went and sat in front of the Impala so we could admire it some more.  It wasn’t too long after that when karaoke ended.  We kept waiting for them to turn the lights up so we could get better pics of the car but they didn’t and we finally had to leave since they were locking the room.  We made our way back to the room, uploaded pics for awhile and then crashed somewhere in the AM. 

What a bunch of hippie wannabes.  LOL

I met my Twitter friend, Cakey, after having the karaoke pic taken but am so sad we didn’t pause long enough to get a pic that night because I didn’t get one of us all weekend. 😦

Also, at the photo op I gave Matt & Richard some small footballs on which I had written 2012 Nashcon:  Super Natural Bowl.  Matt immediately spiked his.  🙂

Karaoke video links:

Brian Buckley singing Highway to Hell:  http://youtu.be/wsHsW1DUh5Y

Rob Benedict singing My Sharona:  http://youtu.be/A5TKYDsJlR4

Sebastian singing Let’s Dance:  http://youtu.be/FeydyeoGtek

Link to my pics from Friday & Saturday on FB:  http://on.fb.me/yHsoFo

Saturday recap: https://winchesterwoman.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/nashcon-2012-saturday-recap/

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Supernatural fanfic: Initiation

Weechesters and angst always go great together, especially in the woods.

Characters:  Bobby, Sam, Dean and a small appearance by John

Rated: PG

Word count:  5,502

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Bobby heard a familiar rumble outside and glanced at the array of weapons laid out on his desk.  He tossed an old coat over them as he hurried into the hallway but Sam Winchester came barreling through the front door before he was halfway there.

“I thought that door was locked,”  Bobby murmured.  Sam swept past Bobby and pounded up the stairs.  Somewhere on the second floor a door slammed.  “What the hell?”

Dean followed close behind his brother, carrying the bags belonging to him and Sam.  Bobby immediately noticed the amulet he’d given to Sam on their previous visit hanging from Dean’s neck.  He had meant for that amulet to go to John, for protection, anything to help keep his dang fool hide from getting killed and leaving those boys alone.  Apparently that plan had backfired.

“Hey, kiddo.  What’s up with your brother?”

“He knows,”  Dean whispered.  He glanced back to where John had just reached the front door.  “Don’t say anything to Dad.  He’ll kill me.”

Dean followed his brother up the stairs and left Bobby alone with John Winchester, a man he respected as a hunter but not as a father.  Bobby had never been able to understand why a man would leave his kids to be raised by others while he was out searching for something he may never find.  Didn’t he understand that some things were more important than revenge?

John gave his usual sheepish smile for when he showed up unannounced.  “Hey, Bobby.”

“John.”

“I was wondering if you could watch the boys for a bit?”

Bobby knew what his answer was going to be as soon as he’d heard the Impala pull up in his drive but he still felt John should know other people sometimes actually had plans that didn’t necessarily fit into his unhealthy obsession.  “I really was planning on doing some hunting this week.  Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboards and everything else is getting pretty bare and the junkyard hasn’t been pulling in much business lately so I’m gonna have to resort to some old time game hunting.”

John’s face lit up.  “Do you mind taking the boys?  It would be great practice for them.  You know Dean is handy with a gun and sooner or later, Sammy needs to learn.  I’m thinking it’s not going to be much longer before I have to let him in on what’s going on if he hasn’t already figured it out.”

Bobby sighed.  The man really was oblivious to what went on with his sons; otherwise he would know something was going on with Sam right now.  It had only taken Bobby two seconds to see it.  How long was it going to take the boy’s own father?

“Yeah, sure.  We’ll work something out.  I wish I’d known you were coming though.  I would have had some pie waiting for Dean.”

Dean had appeared at the top of the stairs and was listening to the conversation.  He grinned at the mention of pie.

John looked puzzled.  “Pie?”

Bobby had to literally bite his tongue at John’s ignorance of one of Dean’s favorite food groups.  The boy was twelve years old.  Hadn’t his father ever bought him pie?

Dean started down the stairs and John smiled up at his son.  Bobby could see that John was proud of Dean but was it because he was his son or was it because he was his perfect little soldier?  Bobby wished he could give John the benefit of the doubt but he couldn’t.

“Dean, take care of your brother while I’m gone and try to stay out of Bobby’s hair, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“That’s my boy.”  John reached out and tousled Dean’s hair.  “I should be back in less than a week if everything goes well.”

John headed for the door, Dean following close behind.  John exchanged a few words with his son and then he was gone.  As the Impala disappeared into the night Bobby heard Dean whisper, “Be safe, Dad.”

 *************************************

“So, what’s up with your brother?”  Bobby placed a plate of fried eggs and bologna in front of Dean.  It was the only thing he was able to come up with from his depleted food stores but the boy didn’t seem to mind.  Sam was the picky one but if he came downstairs looking for food, Bobby still had a box of Lucky Charms that hadn’t been opened.

Dean shoved a forkful of eggs into his mouth before attempting to answer, resulting in a somewhat muffled reply.

“Son, chew your food, then answer the question.”    Bobby rinsed the dirty skillet in the sink as he waited for Dean’s answer.

“He’s pissed at Dad.”  Dean managed to inhale most of the food on his plate in about three bites. 

“For what?”  Bobby rummaged in his freezer, hoping to find a forgotten frozen pie somewhere in its depths but the best he could come up with was a pint of butter pecan ice cream. 

“Take your pick.  He’s pissed at Dad for lying to him; he’s pissed because Dad missed Christmas…..”

“Your Dad missed Christmas?” 

“He was working……he would have been there if he could have.” 

Speaking of lying, damn if Dean wasn’t getting pretty good at it himself but he’s still gotta learn to meet someone’s eyes while doing it.

“Dessert?”  Bobby offered the ice cream to Dean and decided to drop the subject for now and approach another one.  “So, I have to go deer hunting in the morning.  Guess you can tell the pickings around here are getting pretty slim.”

Dean shrugged as he shoveled ice cream into his mouth.

Damn, that boy is a bottomless pit.  When was the last time he ate?

“Think you and Sam would be up for a trip to the woods?”

“Sounds good to me.”  Dean licked the last of the ice cream from the spoon.  “Don’t know how Sam’s going to take it though.  Want me to tell him?” 

“Nah, I’ll tell him.” 

“Bobby?”  Dean was eyeing the rest of the kitchen as if he was looking for a morsel of food that Bobby may have overlooked.

“You still hungry?  Should we run into town and get a pizza?”

“No, I’m okay.”  Dean wandered over to the fridge and pulled it open.  “I was just wondering what you and Sam were going to eat.”

“I ate long before you got here.”  This is how you lie, boy.  “And there’s still a little bologna left for Sam plus there’s a whole box of them Lucky Charms he likes.”

Dean smiled.  “Okay, I guess we’re good until we can bring home something tomorrow, right?”

“Why don’t we take a quick run into town anyway?  You boys will need to eat something in the morning.  Can’t let you walk into them woods with your bellies growlin’.  We’ll never bring anything home.”

Dean ran for the stairs.  “Sam, get your ass down here right now!”

“Bite me!”  retorted Sam at the top of his lungs.

Bobby grinned.  Never a dull moment with these two around.  John Winchester didn’t know what he was missing.

 ************************************

Bobby was up before the proverbial rooster the next morning.  They were only going to the woods adjoining his salvage yard but he wanted to get in early before the deer started moving.  It would be his best chance at bagging one.  He’d been feeding them this year so he was pretty confident of coming home with fresh venison.

He rummaged through all of his hunting gear and managed to scrounge up two orange vests for the boys to wear.  There shouldn’t be anyone else hunting in his woods but he didn’t want to take a chance when it came to Sam and Dean’s lives.

He had yet to hear any movement from the boys so he took the vests up to their room and peeked in.  Both boys were still fast asleep, one of Dean’s arms slung protectively over his younger brother.

Bobby shook the eldest Winchester gently.  “Dean?”

“Hmmm?”  Dean buried his face deeper into the pillow.

“Wake up, boy.”

“’kay.” 

Bobby waited expectantly but Dean didn’t move.  He shook the boy again and Sam started to stir.  Sam shrugged his older brother’s arm from over his shoulder.  As if on automatic pilot, Dean’s arm immediately returned to its previous position.

“Dude, get off me!”  Sam pushed Dean away and Dean finally managed to open one eye.

“You don’t have to yell.”  Dean yawned widely and noticed Bobby standing by the bed.  “Hey, Bobby, what’re you doing?”

Bobby rolled his eyes.  “Trying to wake the dead apparently.”  He tossed the orange vests on the bed.  “Put these on after you get dressed.  And dress warmly, hats and gloves, okay?”

As he started for the door Dean called out, “Hey, what’s for breakfast?”

Bobby had to smother a smile as he said, “Nothing if sleeping beauty doesn’t hurry up and get out of bed.”

The bedroom became a flurry of motion behind him and Bobby made a mental note to mention food a lot sooner next time.

 ****************************************

Bobby was cursing John Winchester six ways from Sunday as he attempted to teach a bleary eyed Sam and Dean how to stealthily enter the woods so as not to scare their prey away.  At the rate they were going Bobby figured they’d only manage to nab a deer if it was stone deaf because both boys were stepping about as lightly as the friggin’ Jolly Green Giant.

Not that it was the boy’s fault.  They were boys.  They should have still been tucked in their beds with nothing better to think about than what to watch on TV or which silly game they would play to pass the time.  It wasn’t their fault that their dad was continuously dropping them off into other people’s lap with no regard for anyone else’s plans.  Bobby had to hunt today.  Dean and Sam had eaten the rest of the bologna this morning while getting ready, not to mention the two pieces of cold pizza that had been left over from their quick trip into town last night.

Bobby had enough money in his wallet to buy them dinner tonight if the hunting trip was a bust but after that he would have to start calling in some favors.  There were a few people who still owed him for work he’d done this past summer.  Hopefully they would be able to pay.  If not, he was worried how he would manage to feed two growing boys until their father decided to return.

You could have told John no.

Yeah, like that was gonna happen.  Having these boys here was the one bright spot in his otherwise lonely existence.  It wasn’t that he didn’t have things to do.  Lord knows other hunters kept him busy enough answering the phones and looking up lore but Sam and Dean were the closest thing he’d ever have to his own kids and he couldn’t turn them away.  Not ever.

*****************************************

Sam had always been the quieter of the two boys, the one exception seemed to be sneaking through the woods.  Dean had finally become aware enough to actually try and be quiet but Sam apparently didn’t care.  Bobby finally nestled them down behind a huge oak tree, halfway up a small hill.  They were facing a clearing that had deer trails running smack through the middle of it, not that anyone cared when he pointed that out with his flashlight.  Dean feigned polite interest but looked as though he could nod off at any moment now that they had stopped moving.

As the sun started to rise on the horizon, Bobby could see just well enough to study the youngest Winchester.  Sam had hardly said two words to him since arriving last night.  Bobby knew what was eating at him but he wasn’t sure what to say to the boy.  It’s not easy for a grown man to realize the things that go bump in the night are real.  How hard must it be for an eight year old kid?

“Sam?  You warm enough?”

Sam nodded as Dean grabbed Bobby’s arm.

“Is that a deer?”  he whispered.

Bobby squinted in the dim light.  Something was moving below them but Bobby couldn’t be for sure it was a deer until the sun came up a bit more.  He never took a shot at anything unless he knew what it was.  Too many hunting accidents happened when idjits couldn’t wait just five more minutes.  Of course, he was taking a chance that the deer would bolt, especially with two restless boys moving beside him but it was a chance he was willing to take.

Bobby glanced at Dean and saw that he actually appeared interested for the first time since waking that morning.  He offered the rifle to Dean, knowing full well that the boy knew how to use it.   He’d shown him how the last time the boys spent the weekend at his house.

“You wanna shoot it?” 

Dean’s eyes lit up at the suggestion.  “Really?”

“Why not?  You know how to use it.” 

Dean handled the 30-30 reverently.

“Now, you can’t shoot until you know for sure it’s a deer.  Got it?”

Dean nodded and balanced the gun against his shoulder, lining his eye up with the scope.  Bobby noticed that even Sam had become interested as he gazed into the clearing, searching for the deer.

Dean stayed focused and when the sun was up enough to see a deer standing in the clearing Sam whispered, “Don’t shoot it, Dean.”

Dean hesitated, looking at his younger brother.  Bobby glanced at the deer but it hadn’t moved.

“Sammy, I have to shoot it.  Bobby needs the meat.”  

There were tears standing in Sam’s eyes as he pointed off to the side of the clearing.  “She has babies.”

Bobby followed Sam’s finger and saw two spotted fawns munching on the low hanging branches of a cedar tree.  They were old enough to survive without the momma deer but Bobby knew that wasn’t what Sam was thinking.

Ah, dammit to hell!  Why did there have to be babies?

“Sam, I know it doesn’t seem right but those aren’t really babies.  They can make it without their mom and I really need the meat.”  Bobby wished he had more experience with kids.  He was pretty sure there was nothing he could say that would change the way Sam was feeling right now. 

Sam ignored him and pleaded with his brother.  “Please don’t shoot it, Dean.”

Dean’s face was a mask of emotions, the most prevalent one: pain at his brother’s distress.  He handed the rifle to Bobby.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t.”

Sam beamed up at his older brother and Bobby cursed John Winchester once more for what he had to do.  The deer was still grazing in the clearing and Bobby needed the meat.  Gunfire echoed in the silent woods and Sam began to cry.

********************************************** 

Bobby took a shower and put on fresh clothes before heading upstairs to have a talk with Sam.  Before field dressing the deer, he had led the boys back to the edge of the woods and watched as a sullen Sam had let himself be herded back to the house by his older brother. 

The boys had spent an hour without him and he wondered what had been said.  He paused at the door as he heard the brothers talking, knew he shouldn’t listen but couldn’t seem to help himself.

“Sammy, quit being an ass and tell me what’s wrong.”  Dean sounded exasperated.

“Why?  It doesn’t change anything!”  Sam’s voice was muffled, as if he was face down in a pillow.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset.  I mean, yeah, I get that killing the deer sucked but not having anything to eat sucks more.  You know that.”

What’s that supposed to mean?

“Yeah, well, I’m used to it, okay?”

Oh, holy hell.  John Winchester needs to get his crap together or I’m gonna put a bullet in his ass.

“You’ve been acting weird ever since Dad got back this last time.  What is up with you?”  Dean sighed loudly.  “Is it the whole monster thing?  I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I’d already read it in Dad’s journal, Dean.”  Sam’s voice was suddenly clearer so he had either sat up or at least turned over to look at his brother.  Bobby figured that was progress if he’d been lying face down for the past hour.

“Look, nothing is gonna change what Dad does.  He’s been doing it since I was four.  He’s not gonna stop until…..” 

“Until he finds what killed Mom.”  Sam finished the sentence for him.

“Yeah.”  Dean sniffed loudly and Bobby heard him cross the room, pacing.

That boy is too damn young to be pacing the floor.

The boys were silent for a few minutes and Bobby decided this might be the time to make his entrance when Sam whispered, “What makes us different from monsters?”

“What makes us…..do you think…..how can you even…….”  Dean sputtered, trying to make sense of his brother’s question. 

Dean had been born to this.  He knew what was out there, knew what had happened to their mom.  Probably didn’t know everything but Bobby figured it wouldn’t be long before the boy knew the whole ugly truth.  Even without knowing everything, there was no grey area where Dean was concerned.  Monsters were evil and they needed to be killed.  

Sam didn’t seem to understand that just yet but Bobby knew the kid.  Maybe not as well as he knew Dean because Sam had always been more of a closed book but Sam was a deep thinker and somewhere in his mind, there was a grey area and somehow what happened today had triggered it all.

“Bobby killed their mom, Dean.  How is that any different than what happened to us?”

“Because we’re not animals, Sammy!”

Bobby cleared his throat rather loudly and entered the room.  “Hey, boys.”

Both boys jumped as if they’d been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.  Dean glared at Sam as if daring him to say anything to Bobby about what they’d just been discussing.

“Dean, you mind heading on downstairs and washing up for lunch?  I’d like to have a word with your brother.”

“But—“

“Now, please.”

Dean looked as though he wanted to argue but instead he mumbled, “Yes, sir.”

Once Dean’s footsteps had faded on the stairs, Bobby sat down next to Sam on the edge of the bed.

“You still mad at me?”

Sam shook his head but kept his eyes focused on the floor.

“I’m sorry, Sam.  I really am.”

Sam remained silent and Bobby contemplated what to say next.

God, I suck at this. 

“Will the baby deer really be okay?”  The words came out as a choked whisper.

“Yeah, Sam.  They’ll be okay.  They’re old enough to take care of themselves.”

Sam nodded as if accepting Bobby’s statement.

“You’d better come on downstairs before your brother eats everything in sight.”

“I’m not hungry.”  Sam crawled up on the bed, once again burying his face in the pillow.  “I just want to sleep.”

Bobby stood for a moment, uncertain of what to do and then decided maybe it was best for Sam to sleep it off.  He’d had an early start this morning and was emotionally wrung out.  Maybe a little sleep would make everything look different and hopefully not seem so bad.  Bobby flipped off the light and shut the bedroom door before heading downstairs to make lunch for Dean.

********************************************** 

Sam ended up hiding away in the bedroom for the rest of the day and night.  Bobby didn’t try to approach him again, figuring it best to wait until morning.  Dean had finally taken a bowl of Lucky Charms up to his brother around supper time but had returned with the full bowl.  He shrugged at Bobby’s questioning look, sat at the kitchen table and ate the cereal himself.

Bobby had gotten up early to fry some tenderloin for the boys, realizing Sam might never eat any meat at his house again.   Bobby popped open a can of biscuits he’d found rolling around in the bottom drawer of the fridge and hoped that at least maybe Sam would eat a couple of those.

Dean shuffled into the room, rubbing at his eyes.  Bobby wondered how much of his time last night was spent trying to console his younger brother.

“Where’s Sam?”  Dean asked around a stifled yawn.

“He hasn’t come down yet.”  Warning bells were ringing in Bobby’s head.

“He’s not upstairs.”

Dean hurried back the way he came, checking each of the rooms on Bobby’s lower level before sprinting up the stairs.  Bobby went down to check the basement, knowing it was not likely that Sam was there but the way that kid’s mind worked, you never could tell.

Bobby’s search came up empty and he rejoined Dean in the kitchen, who had retrieved his coat and boots from upstairs and was frantically pulling them on.   Dean wasn’t the only one who was worried.  If Sam wasn’t in the house, he had somehow sneaked out without either of them knowing, which was quite a feat considering how much noise he’d made in the woods yesterday.   

“Where do you think you’re going?”  asked Bobby.

“He’s in the woods, Bobby.  I know he is.  He wouldn’t quit worrying about those damn deer last night.”  Dean tugged on his gloves as Bobby grabbed his own coat from the hook in the hallway.  Almost as an afterthought he snatched his 30-30 from the gun rack as they dashed out the back door.

****************************************************

Bobby and Dean retraced their steps from yesterday.  Bobby decided Sam paid more attention that he’d originally thought or the boy wouldn’t have been able to follow the exact same path as the day before.  As they drew closer to the clearing, Bobby could hear someone sobbing.

“Sammy?”  Dean called out softly.

They found Sam kneeling, face buried in his hands, his small body shaking as he wept.  On the ground in front of him was one of the fawns, ripped to shreds.  Bobby was on instant alert, his eyes searching everywhere for any sign of the predator that had done this.  Mountain lions weren’t that common here but one had been killed twenty minutes south of Sioux Falls earlier in the year so it was a possibility.

Or what if it’s something else?

Bobby motioned for Dean to take charge of his brother.  He shouldn’t put that on the kid but right now he had to be on alert for whatever might still be out there.

Dean instinctively knew what Bobby meant.  Bobby could read it in his face, Dean was in hunter mode now and the fact that he switched to it so easily made Bobby’s heart ache. 

Dean was at his brother’s side in three long steps.  He reached for Sam’s arm but Sam turned to Bobby, tears streaming down his face.   “YOU SAID THEY’D BE OKAY!”

“Sammy, hush!”  Dean clamped his hand over Sam’s mouth as Sam squirmed in his grasp.  “Whatever killed that deer might still be here and we don’t know what it is.”

Bobby saw Sam’s eyes grow wide with the understanding that this might actually be his first supernatural hunt.  Bobby hoped to hell it wasn’t but either way, the situation wasn’t a good one.

“Back to the house as quickly and quietly as possible, boys,”  Bobby whispered.

Dean led the way with Bobby close on their heels, wishing he had eyes in the back of his head because one hunter just wasn’t enough when you didn’t know what you were up against and two boy’s lives were at stake.

Bobby heard a low snarl from somewhere on the hill above them.  Dean glanced back at him, fear in his eyes.

“Steady, Dean.  Keep moving.  I’ve got your back.”

At least Bobby now knew it was a mountain lion and probably a pissed one since they had been parading all around its kill. 

Damn cats, big or little…..they’re all bitchy that way.

The cat suddenly appeared on a rock outcropping a few feet in front of them.

“Do not run.”   If the boys ran, the cat would chase them and take them down before Bobby could ever get off a shot. 

Bobby slowly raised the rifle to his shoulder, avoiding any sudden movement that would startle the big cat.  From the corner of his eye, Bobby saw Dean shift his body until he was in front of Sam.  At the same instant the mountain lion leaped from its perch toward both of the boys, Dean shoved Sam away from him and Bobby took careful aim, hitting the cat in midair.

“Dean, MOVE!”  Bobby shouted but Dean stood transfixed and the big cat hit him full force with its dead weight, knocking him to the ground.

********************************************************

 “DEAN!”

Sam’s one word cry was pure agony.  Bobby silently thanked God, or whatever being was up there, that he had always been such a good shot.  Otherwise, he’d have more than Dean’s injuries to worry about as Sam, with no thought for his own safety, pushed against the mountain lion for all he was worth, trying to remove its body, which was covering most of his older brother.

Bobby gently pulled the younger boy away and rolled the big cat off of the elder Winchester.  All the color drained from Sam’s face at the sight of his unconscious brother.  Bobby wanted to comfort Sam but right now he had more immediate problems to worry about as he saw blood flowing from a wound at Dean’s right temple.

Kneeling beside Dean, Bobby saw the rock the boy’s head must have struck as he fell from the impact of the cat.  He began running his fingers over Dean’s skull, feeling for anything that would indicate this was more than just a bad blow to the head.  Finding nothing to indicate a skull fracture, Bobby expanded his examination but Dean appeared to have no broken bones. 

Bobby pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiped away the blood from Dean’s face.  The blood flow had slowed to nothing more than a trickle and Bobby could see the wound wasn’t deep.   He couldn’t know for sure how bad the head injury was until Dean was awake and if that wasn’t soon, he was calling 911.

“Let’s get your brother back to the house, Sam.”  Bobby picked up his rifle and handed it to the boy, who looked absolutely terrified.  “Hold on to this while I carry your brother, okay?”

Sam nodded, holding the gun at arm’s length, while Bobby scooped Dean up in his arms.  Dean’s head lolled against his shoulder as Bobby whispered, “Boy, you better not break my heart.”

********************************************************

 They were almost back to the house when Dean began to stir.  As Dean opened his eyes, Bobby saw both pupils looked normal and he began to breathe easier.

“Bobby?  What the—-“  Dean craned his neck to search for his brother.  “Sammy, you okay?   Bobby, put me down!”

“Quit your belly-achin’, boy.  We’re almost to the house.”

“And I can walk!”  Dean said indignantly.

Dean squirmed in Bobby’s arms but he held the boy tight.

“You just got knocked out by a friggin’ mountain lion, Dean.  You can damn well be still until I can take a good look at you!”

A frown settled on Dean’s face but he ceased his struggle.  Once inside the house, Bobby relinquished his hold on the boy at the back door.  He wanted to make sure Dean wasn’t feeling dizzy so he let him make his way up to the bedroom, following closely behind.  Once Dean was seated on the bed, Bobby went to retrieve his first aid kit and found Sam in the kitchen, the gun clutched in his hands, obviously still shaken up over what had happened.

“Here, let me take that, Sam.”  Bobby returned the gun to its appointed place.  “Why don’t you fetch the first aid kit under the sink and bring it up to your brother’s room?”

Sam nodded and headed toward the sink as Bobby made his way back upstairs.  In the bedroom he found Dean studying his wound in front of the mirror.

“Do you think this will leave a scar, Bobby?”  Dean turned to him and grinned.  “Scars are cool.”

“I’m gonna put a scar on your ass if you don’t get back to that bed.”          

“I’m fine, Bobby.”  Dean flopped down on the bed as Sam came in bearing the first aid kit.

“I’ll be the judge of that.”  Bobby opened up the kit and fished out a bottle of alcohol.

Sam stood silently by the bed, watching intently as Bobby ministered to his brother.  From the corner of his eye, Bobby watched the emotions playing across the youngest Winchester’s face.  Sam might be more of a closed book on some things but he’d never make a poker player.  His expression gave too much away.

“You okay, Sammy?”  Dean asked.

“Dean, I’m sorry.”  The words came out as a whisper.

“For what?” 

Sam shook his head and fled from the room.  Dean started to follow but Bobby pushed him back down.

“Oh, no, you don’t.  You stay in that bed.”

“But Sammy……”

“I’ll take care of your brother.  You get some rest.”  Bobby glanced at his watch.  “It’s not even lunchtime and you’ve already had a long day.”

“I’m not tired,” argued Dean.

“I don’t care.”

Bobby crossed his arms and stared at Dean.  He sighed loudly, lay back against the pillow and in five minutes he was sound asleep.  Bobby pulled a blanket over him and went to find his younger brother.

*******************************************************

This time Sam was hiding in the basement.  Bobby thought he’d left the house again but he found Sam in the space under the basement stairs, his knees pulled up to his chin, tears staining his face.

Bobby sat down on the stairs so his back was facing Sam.  “It’s hard, isn’t it?”

“What?”  Sam sniffed.

“Not having a mom.”

Sam was silent.

“That’s why you were worried about the baby deer, wasn’t it?  I killed their mom and you were afraid for them, same as you’re afraid for you and Dean, especially now that you know what’s out there.”

“Dean told you?” 

“Yeah, he told me.”

“I almost got Dean killed today,”  whispered Sam.

Bobby wasn’t sure how to respond to that.  It was true that they wouldn’t have been in the woods today if it hadn’t been for Sam but it could just have easily happened yesterday.

“No, it’s my fault, son.  I shouldn’t have taken you boys hunting without really talking it through.  I just……..”

I just did what I had to do.  Damn you, John Winchester.

“Will the other deer be okay alone?”

Bobby hesitated before answering.  He’d already messed this question up once.

“I won’t lie to you, Sam.  Normally, the deer would be fine but the mountain lion, well, that wasn’t normal.”

“I wouldn’t be fine.”

Bobby peered around at Sam and saw the tears starting up again.

“What do you mean?”

“If Dean died……I….I…w-wouldn’t be f-fine.”

Oh Jesus.  Neither would I.

“Come here, boy.”

Sam crawled out from under the stairs, rubbing at his eyes.

“This has been a rough week for you, hasn’t it?”

Sam nodded. 

“It’ll get better, son.”  Bobby patted Sam on the cheek and that was all it took for the dam to break.  Sam threw himself into Bobby’s arms, sobbing against his shoulder. 

“Hey, it’s okay, kiddo.”  Bobby held the boy tight, hoping to give him some sort of comfort.  There were no words to calm Sam’s fears, nothing that could be written in stone.  A hunter’s life was full of nothing but sadness, blood and death.  Both boys had been introduced to that today, an initiation of sorts as to what the rest of their lives would be like if they continued on the road their Dad had put them on.

Bobby said a silent prayer that somehow they could get off that road, even if it meant he’d never see them again.  He’d rather know they were healthy and happy somewhere without him than watch them suffer a hunter’s life.

“Let’s go check on your brother, okay.”  Bobby said after Sam’s sobs had quieted.

Bobby led the way to Dean’s room where they found the boy still sleeping, the protection amulet meant for John gleaming against his chest. 

I reckon that amulet is hanging around the right neck after all.

Sam reached out and touched the bandage on his brother’s head.

“Is he really okay?”

“Yeah, son, he’s fine.  I promise.”

Dean opened one eye and grabbed his brother’s hand.  “Hey asshat, quit touching my bandage.”

“Shut up, jerkface.”  Sam finally managed a smile as Dean swatted him with a pillow.

Yep, John Winchester doesn’t know what he’s missing.

*********************************************

Thanks for reading!

Micaiah (aka winchesterwoman)

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